Aaron Reddin onLife, Liberty, and Pursuit of Jesusness

I’m tired of feeling stuck.  I’m tired of feeling like I can never overcome certain things in my life.  Fear, anger, bitterness, envy, pride…….things that bog me down.  Things that have to go!!  I’m tired of always feeling like a stalemate.  Like I have no options.  Like everything is just set the way it is.  I’m taking back my life piece by piece.  Little by little, until I have it all back. 

I’m tired of sticking band-aids all over everything.  I’m tired of dancing around my issues just hoping that someday they will go away.  Keep your coins……I want CHANGE!!!!

I’m spending the better part of today in reflection and preparation for tomorrow.  Mostly preparing my mind, and my heart.  Trying to let the presence and compassion of Jesus consume my entire being.  It’s going to be a hard day.  It’s going to be a long day.  It’s going to take everything I’ve got to pull it off. 

What could such a day have in store you may ask.  Tomorrow we will be holding a memorial service for my cousin Dwight who lost his life in a car wreck on Sunday.  He was killed in a head on collision on Hwy 80 between Danville and Waldron.  Dwight was only 25, and just had a little boy not too awfully long ago named Houston. 

Dwight and I spent a lot of time growing up together.  Him being only a year younger than me.  As very small kids, we would play in the mud and dirt together non-stop.  He lived across the street from my grandma and grandpa, down behind the hospital in Danville.  Though the houses that once made up that little neighborhood are no longer there, their memories live on forever, as does Dwight’s. 

Needless to say, as we hit adolescence and teenage years, we continued growing up together.  I think we were both forced to grow up much too fast.  We experienced all that life had to offer us, together.  We lived together (basically), laughed together, cried together.  We hugged, high fived, and even had the occasional fight.  But we always ended them with a hug and picked back up where we left off. 

When I left Danville, I left all of Danville behind.  I had no interest in anything in Danville anymore with the exception of my family and not even a handful of friends.  Dwight was one person that I always wanted to know how he was doing.  Though I didn’t get to see him hardly ever, I maintained my awareness of how he was doing with the hopes of seeing him every time that I made the trek back to Yell County. 

Tomorrow is going to be hard.  Though it will just be a memorial service at his mom and dad’s house with Dwight’s cremated remains, it will be unusually difficult for me.  It will be especially difficult for me, because I’ve been asked to “officiate” the service, if you will.  How do you prepare for this?  How do you make preparations to speak over someone you’ve lost, that you’ve known all your life?  I knew upon surrendering to full time ministry that I would at some point be doing this.  Probably more than desired.  But I never thought it would be this soon, for this person.  I never thought it would be Dwight.  I never would have thought it. 

So that’s my day today.  Preparing for tomorrow.  Begging God to give me words that will help comfort his mom and dad.  Begging God to comfort them regardless of my words.  I can’t begin to understand what they are going through. 

“God I just lift up Dwight’s mom, dad, sister, and son.  I lift them up in prayer today, asking you to comfort them and give them strength.  God you know their pain and grief.  You know their hurt and you know their heartache.  Let them know your presence today God.  Let them know that you are the Lord and you are their comfort.  Let them be still and know that you are God.  I ask you Holy Spirit to consume them with your presence.  I ask you to wash over their hearts with peace and comfort as only you can.  I ask you Holy Spirit to draw them near to you in this time.  That as you reach for them, they too will reach for you.  In the name of Jesus I ask it.  So be it.”

Ok, I know, things move quickly around here.  Today was no exception.  It appears as though myself and Juanita just aren’t compatible.  We concluded that it was just not a match made in Heaven and we are calling it off.  She likes to scream and yelp, while I love peace and quiet.  She likes to sneak out of the fence and run through the traffic, while I like to avoid veterinary bills.  She likes to pee in the floor, while I prefer it to be done in the toilet.  Even Chief was having a hard time with this one, he can’t stand girls who cry all the time.   And when this socially desperate dog gets picky about his playmates, you know she’s intolerable!!!  So, it breaks my heart to inform you that Juanita is no longer my woman.  I never claimed to be good at this whole “woman thing” anyway!!!

So, as luck would have it, I have a new girlfriend.  She wandered into my life not too long ago.  Today I made the decision that we would become companions.  Together with Chief, we will assume the roles of our new family.  Her name is Juanita……and she is beautiful.  Have a look for yourself……

So yesterday I was sitting in Sport Clips getting my hair did, and I had one of those moments.  One of those moments where you realize why some parts of your life are the way they are.  It was quite simple, but so profound that it made my head spin.

I love to get my hair cut.  If I had enough hair, I would sit there all day letting someone cut it.  Yeah it’s weird, I know, but so are you.  Some highly intelligent person decided to put a TV on ESPN in a barbershop and it makes the experience even better!  So here I am, in the chair; getting my new do.  I’m watching some ballgame, and this commercial comes on that changed my life.  Or at least my week.  It’s an advertisement for those running parachute things that runners train with.  Basically you run with a small parachute attached to you, so as to add resistance and build up your running….stuff. 

Then it happened.  I heard this little voice behind me coming from the VERY expectant mother who was cutting my hair say, “Running with parachutes????”.  And my immediate reply was “I’d rather not even run!!!”. 

In and instance this epiphany or revelation or something came over me, and I thought,”how common”.  We get a calling or a direction from God and if we have the least little bit of resistance we would rather just not even try.  Instead of going through the “training” that will make us great, we just don’t even go for it.  We don’t even run. 

I immediately looked back at my life and all the situations and examples of things I knew I needed to do, and never even gave it a shot because there was too much “resistance”.  Or maybe I tried it out for a moment but felt the wind catch my ‘chute and I just stopped.  Each time this happened I never pressed on to gain the strength that I needed to achieve the goal in the first place.  How can I ever be a great runner, if I don’t spend any time “training” and growing.  How can I be great at anything if I let the smallest resistance keep me from pursuing. 

I felt so small.  I felt so cowardly.  I wondered what my life would be like…..what my relationships would be like….what my education would be like…..what my family would be like……what my appreance would be like…..and mostly, what I would be like. 

God has called us all to particular things.  He has picked us specifically and individually to accomplish certain things.  If we don’t do them, they’re not getting done.  If we aren’t willing to “run” through the things that slow us down and hinder us, then ultimately we will never fulfill that which God has called us to do. 

This simple little thought in the chair at Sport Clips totally changed my perception of trials and hardships.  It also encouraged me too though.  I know that as I continue to run, the stronger I will grow.  Ultimately making me a good runner, if not a great one.  My hope and prayer is that this has encouraged you in some aspect today, as it did me. 

Even in the lowest points of my life, I knew that I was called to ministry.  I heard the phone ring, ring, ring, ring, and I just let it keep on ringing, ringing, ringing and ringing.  I didn’t want to answer.  I didn’t want to try.  I never thought I could be used.  Now ALL I want is to be used. 

I guess it all started about 2 years ago.  This was the time I finally said, OK God.  Do what you will.  Have my life.  It’s yours.  I picked up the phone and began my “surrender”.  I found my way into my first “full time” ministry position going on 9 months ago.  What a blessing.  Why didn’t I do this when I was younger instead of telling God, “Hey God, you ain’t gettin’ me!!”?  Anyway, life is great when you line yourself up with his will.  The last 2 years of my life, have by far been the best 2. 

So, Aaron, what are you getting at you ask.  Well, I will tell you.  It didn’t take me long to find out that “ministry” is one of the broadest terms I’ve ever known.  It doesn’t just mean church, or missions, or outreach, or evangalism, or whatever.  It’s covers an array of types of ministry.  I also learned quickly how every minister has a main focal point of their individual minstry.  Or a particular ministry “gift” if you will.  A call inside the call.   So for a long time I was trying to find my identity as a minister.  What was my particular ministry call.  I knew I had a knack for drugs/alcohol recovery, but there had to be way more…….

Yes, we are getting there.  So, for the last couple of months I have been in intense prayer about my “specialty ministry”.  Or my call inside the call.  I had answered God’s call, but I was hearing the beep of call waiting.  How could I be getting another call?  I thought I had picked up the phone???  But it was another call coming in.  It was a very clear call.  No static in this one, as to not misunderstand the information being communicated.  It was a call with clear direction.  To go beyond the basic call to ministry.  To go beyond the call to work in faith-based drug/alcohol treatment.  No this call was not so vague.  This call was to go out and teach, preach, and minister deliverance from all bondage with authority.  I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking it too! 

Where does this take me from here?  Nowhere immediately.  I am still gaining understanding of this more specific call, and also obtaining revealation as to how this will play out in my life.  It’s going to be exciting, but it’s going to take an enourmous amount of dedication on my part.  As doors are opened to go out and preach the word on this topic, I will go.  As God begins to move me into this “job” that he has hired me to do, I will work.  I am currently being delivered from some of my own bondages as I type, so to say that I can go and be totally effective at this second would be foolish.  But I have to also get out of the mentallity that it is I who is loosing people and keep my brain fixed on the healing power of Jesus, and always remember that I am but a tool of which to minister it through……

……..you see the Bible makes it clear that God has but one plan to reach this world.  That plan is by utilizing us to go out and spread the Gospel.  If we don’t spread the Gospel, the world is not going to hear it.  Therefore we must be willing to listen, obey, and go. 

Some of this may have been me rambling.  Some may not.  I just felt the need to express my thoughts on what God has been revealing to me.  The moral of the story……I’m clicking over and answering my call waiting. 

So my life is now officially going 347 mph…..and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down anytime soon.  Those of you who know me, are aware of this issue.  It seems that just about the time that I get almost “caught up”, here comes something new or fresh to sweep me off my feet and consume yet another 25% of the time that I already don’t have.  Aren’t single people supposed to have more time than anyone?  I mean, it’s me and a freaking dog for crying outloud.  So other than the fact that I feel like I’m going to wake up next week and be 83 years old, here is what’s new in my life:

…….I got a new laptop.  Not by choice.  Mine went bonkers after 3 years of faithful service.  It was time to move on to a new one. 

……Chief got a new bed.  He is very happy with it.  He stretches out across it all day long.  He is getting lazy and chunky.  (like his dad)

……I wil have an automobile that will be completely paid off very soon.  Praise God.  This excites me very much. 

I don’t know of anything else that of any worth to tell you about.  I’m facing, and defeating one of my biggest strongholds and finding more and more freedom through the love and grace of Jesus.  That’s all.